Tomorrow will be one month since Bette died (October 25, 2009) and I still can NOT believe it. At times I think only a month. Where has the time gone? It feels almost as fresh as the first week. Then again it feels like I have been grieving forever. There are all the phone calls and letters and forms I have to fill out. I must have stack of forms, questionaires, and letters three inches tall. Each time I fill out a new form or talk to someone new and have to explain what happened I relive that moment the Police came to the house and asked if they could come in... The moment they said that I knew Bette was dead. Before they even told me. It was like what you see in the movies. Then time seemed to stop. The Officers were so nice. They would not leave me until there were friends and neighbors to keep me company. And I want to thank everyone that helped calling Bette's family. I was not capable of doing it. The next thing I knew the house was full of friends. Then her brothers and sisters came in from up and down the east coast.
Every time I let the dogs out they look over to where her car would be parked. They know something is wrong. They are not as playful as they were either.
Sisters will be sisters.
This is the look I would get from Bette if she knew I was gushing
over her like I have done in this blog. But I can not help but write about her.
I miss her so much.
More photos
Sisters will be sisters.
I was just listening to messages on my Blackberry and came across one from the week before she died. It was so nice to hear her voice as she said she was leaving work and would be home in half am hour. But so sad knowing that would never happen again. Here I am crying like a fool trying not to get any of my tears in the keyboard.
Even though I am going over to some friends for Thanksgiving it is going to be hard. We would watch the parade together. She is the only person I have known that likes parades as much as I do.
Right now I do not feel very thankful as I cry myself to sleep. They say it will get better in time - but I want her in my life so badly.
I keep remembering a lot of the little things that Bette did, she was always the optimist. When we all lived together in Whittensville she adopted a cat, she told me that she hoped Jaime might not notice it right away; when Jaime came home it was sitting on top of the washer in the kitchen. Jaime just looked and asked what it was doing there, but in the end they had a cat. Bette was such a kind person I can't fully express how much she means to me and how much I share Jaime's loss. Pete Hook
ReplyDeleteJaime,
ReplyDeleteI think of Bette everyday and her boisterous spirit and zest for living life to the fullest. Please, be hopeful and believe that she is watching over you now and missing you as much as you do her.
Having known Bette for a decade working together at NECC, I know that she would want you to take whatever time you need to grieve her passing and at the same time, I can see her face with a happy grin wanting you to wipe away your tears and smile again.
I truly believe that the beautiful love you two shared here on Earth in the physical world continues on in spirit.
Please, Jaime...have hope and faith. Those that tell you time will help heal your pain are right, so please, please, please, hang in there. Cry whenever you need to as it will help ease your pain and know that so many of us are thinking of you and will continue to be here for you.
Sincerely,
Christine DeRosa
Jaime, love the new photos. I know that "look", grew up with it, and I always would get it if I was being snarky or if Bette disagreed with me about something...which was often.
ReplyDeleteThe picture of us at Williamsburg was a great memory because Bette was wishing she could really lock me into those stocks and pick me up later and Jenny would have agreed to it also! They loved to gang up agains me, remember the acorn fight at Fredricksburg??