Bette, how do I miss you - let me count the ways...

Different aspects of missing Bette keep coming up. There was and still is the immediate emotional realization that Bette is no longer in this world. This is probably the hardest part for me to come to terms with. I still deep inside expect to hear Bette's voice and see her as I walk in the door or roll over in bed. I still sleep on my side of the bed leaving her side empty. Like the dogs always looking to where Bette parked her car every time I let them out we can not comprehend that she is gone. I think that is one reason the new car that is being made for me will be a physical embodiment of Bette for me. I know she will always be with me whenever I am in that car.

Then the fear of being alone hit me hard. It is still there but with the support of friends I know I will be able to make it.

Bette did so much for me that I never realized. I am not talking about the obvious things like shopping, feeding the dogs in the morning, or going through the mail. The emotional support. After 30 years the knowing nod, the hand squeeze, or the pat on the bum that all say "I Love you", "I'm there for you", you are my best friend and we can make it through anything as long as we are together. We were far braver as a couple than we were alone.

I am getting tired now and will continue this later. Thank you for reading this and letting me express myself. Without Bette here this has become a forum for me to express myself and confide to you my thoughts and feelings. Bye for now and Happy Holidays!