It is December 25th, Christmas. My second with out Bette. Again I found myself weeping during Christmas Eve Services. For some reason I could not stop thinking about Bette and how much I miss her, and all of the things we have done together and planned to do together. I thought this holiday would be a lot easier since it has been over a year. But alas, it is not.
When I get up in the morning I will be back with Bette’s family and things will not seem so bad and lonely. Sorry for this posting being such a downer.
Merry Christmas,
Jaime
Yes, the second Christmas without Bette. Another birthday without her, another trip home without her gracing her house with the 2 christmas trees, the smell of chai( de-caf of course) and all the things she enjoyed during the holidays. Some folks think I should be better about it all, but what should be better about any of this? Yeah we go about the day to day crap of life because we have bills to pay, people to deal with in and out of work...hate the question, "how ya doing?" Still sucks, OK? But the front goes up, the phony smile that says I'm functioning in a miserable to normal range. Had a nice time with Jaime @schools corporate Christmas party, even with the white socks and silly stories I made up to make folks laugh. Still, very sucks though.
ReplyDeleteJesus is the reason for the season. But really, Jesus is the reason for all the seasons.HE is never out of season. And it aint no religious thing, it's a heart thing. The LORD eliminated all religions at the cross when HE said now I AM the way, the truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except thru ME, not religion. REligion puts Jesus in the manger @ Christmas and back on the Cross @ Easter. I serve a risen Savior, no longer in the manger and especially no longer on the cross.He said it was finished and HE meant it. That is what Salvation is all about. Christ transforms a life whereas religion only reforms a life. It's a decision of the heart to follow HIM and HE leads you through this life,through the good the bad and the ugly. And NO religion today can teach this, but it is taught in the Word of God, the good old King James 1611. My brother Bill gave to Bette and me our first Bible. Took me years to finally get into it.Bette's passing is still ugly, don't know what the LORD's plan is in all this but we are to trust HIM all the same.My strength and grace to go on comes through the LORD and his Word.
Bette is still the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. There will always be a hole there where she once was a part of my life and I'm sure everyone who knew her feels the same way. I can tell funny stories,about her,(she always said I made them up), it's ok, the point is to make folks laugh even when I don't feel like laughing. At the Christmas party, people thanked me for making them laugh, because they miss Bette so much. She was quite a personality that could fill a room, at least the head room.
We had a nice Christmas in rochester this year, lots of things, toys, and YAKTRacks for ice fishing, way too much food. But I still missed shopping for Bette, and hearing about her loot, and her parties, and karioke gatherings. Still that stinking hole. Lord, help me to fill it. Merry Christmas all.