It has been One year and ten months, 22 months, 666 days, or about 16,000 hours (please do not check my math, I was never very good at it) since Bette left this mortal world. A lot can happen in that time or less. I feel I am still in limbo. Jobs can be lost, careers can be made, fortunes won and lost, and one could hit it big in the lottery, or become bankrupt. A baby can be born and start making its first steps and words. Two people can fall in love and start a family. The highs and lows of life. Since Bette left I feel like I have been on an almost two year low. I have my friends and they help a lot but the oomph Bette added is not there. It is like my life has been put on hold. Waiting for… something. Something I do not know if I ever can or will find. The highs I have now revolve around being with or doing things with friends and Bette’s family (I am the last of my blood line). There are only two things I can think of I do for entertainment by myself, one is going to the Drag strip. I have met a few people but not developed any real friends there. And even going to the drag strip was something Bette and I would do together. The other is going to Cruise Nights (local car shows). I started going and meeting a co-worker there. Over the past Spring and Summer I have developed a hand full of car friends. We will walk around together looking at the cars or sit together swapping stories, what some people might call swapping lies. When the show is over we each go our own way. There are only two weeks left in the New England Cruise Night year. Then we will not see each other until well after the snow is gone. Who wants to chance getting their classic car wet let alone dirty from road salt. Sure there are a few special shows as late as October where we might run into each other but most likely not. We go into hibernation for the long cold winter.
So why do I stay up here in the bad weather? Heck if I know. My friends and coworkers are here and it is something I know and is in my comfort zone are the most likely reasons.
Boy has the way this blog turned from what I originally intended. My first thoughts were to try my hand at rhyming and have it be very upbeat. But then some things have been happening (at work) that have me kind of down tonight. When I find out more I will let you know a little of what is going on. I can say this though – I have changed what I do at work and have been much happier at what I am doing now. And I think I am doing a good job at it. This has gotten long and convoluted so before I turn yet another corner I will say good day. And may the hurricanes, tornados, and earthquakes spare you and your loved ones.
Good Day,
Jaime
Jaime, Who knows what the LORD has planned for you in the months, days, years ,minutes ahead? HE promises not to give you more than you can handle, and you have handled the last months better than even you thought you were able. Given the thought of losing Bette, say, even 3 years ago, you'd said maybe you would never be able to do it, but my kind and caring brother-in-law, as much as you hate doing this life without Bette, you are doing it. Most days it doesn't feel like living, but, more like existing. But existing is still better than surviving...and you are doing more than surviving. You are trying your best to stay engaged in the life without Bette, and still just scratching the suface of possibilities. Big , mean , world out there alone...the nights still suck and so do the mornings in the house with your thoughts and the dogs to take care of. I praise the LORD that at least you still have those ancient canines to fuss with. A small part of your life, but still a part to stay engaged with.
ReplyDeleteI miss Bette dearly as does the rest of our siblings, yes, they are yours too, and yours to fuss over, as in the brothers' lastest trials this year. I wonder all the time, what's on our plate next LORD, and please give us the grace and strength to handle whatever it may be. The LORD does want us to lean on him for everything we don't understand, and even for those things we do understand. Does life still suck on a Monday morning, in the rain, and will I have a job Tues. morning??? Oh yeah. But then something simple and stupid and simple brightens our day like,...I didn't have to kill my dog today because she came out of her GME, which simply, a granulomamengeal encephelitis, ok, chuckle here....she had an infection in her head that caused her to not be able to walk at all and with a few days of rest and steroids and the Dr. telling me "Bonnie, put down the pink vial and walk away", for at least 5 days, just give me 5 days he says. And she's home, eating, drinking(alot), and practically her old 12yr old self. Dumb dog vs Bette? No contest of course. I'd kill them all for one more day with Bette. But just one small bright spot in our ordinary day in life without Bette.
Everyday we that passes and we get on to the next one is a gift, that's why it's called the present. Wish we could return this present, by no regifting allowed. Looking forward to fall to see you and Sal's pond too.And I think we need new sneakers too.