There is only one thing I was expecting to experience that I have not experienced. On TV, in the movies and in novels you see or read about someone that has lost a spouse picking up an article of clothing or putting their head on their partner’s pillow and smelling their scent. It is always portrayed as romantic and life affirming. A way to experience their mate even though he or she is gone.
I have not been able to smell Bette’s presence in our home. I see and feel her just by looking about the house and sitting on the furniture we have picked out together. I was hoping to lay my head on her pillow and inhale her essence, or pick up and sniff one of her blouses and relive a moment we shared. But nothing… I do not know if I can not smell her because we were together so much and for so long or if because of all of the tears (crying) my nose is not working well. In any case I am, to say the least, disappointed. I know it would make me cry some more but it would be a way that I would have been able to live with Bette in a physical form again.
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Friday I thought I would try to start going through some of Bette’s things. Not too much, just consolidate some of the drawers in the dresser. Then if that went well maybe pick out a few articles of clothing to give to charity for someone to have during the holidays. Little did I expect to open the first drawer look in the first box and find the engagement ring I gave Bette some 31 years ago. To say the least I lost it. So much for going through Bette’s things. I will wait for Bonnie to come down in December…
Some more photos of the Bette I knew, Loved, and miss so much.
Jaime, Your whole house IS the essence of Bette. You don't have to smell anything to feel her or sense she is there in your heart. Bette is entwined in your very being, she makes up every fiber of your life from that first giddy laugh you 2 shared in college to that question,"is that what you are wearing?" at your 30th wedding party. Bette may not have left a tell tale smell, {I don't recall her ever wearing perfume that would've left a trail}, but you already know from your tears shed daily that Bette's presence is like indelligble ink, and you can't erase that....everywhere you look in that house, the yard, the stuff she liked to eat, drink, her art studio,and every thing you guys did together from vacations to just getting the mail together.... leaves that mark in your heart. Smells disappear over time,but what you 2 shared will last an eternity and you are showing your romantic side in wishing you can detect her through her scent, you are one special fellow....who reads alot and remembers movie plots....chuckle here.Bette would walk in a room sniff loudly and say "I think it's time to wash the dog beds"...tell me if it isn't true. I love how you are able to scribe your thoughts about Bette. You guys are the real deal. And chance of showers over the keyboard...Bonnie
ReplyDeleteJamie,
ReplyDeleteI've also heard about others being comforted by loved one's scents, but I haven't experienced it either. Maybe because like you, my nose isn't as sensitive to smell as it used to be. Now Bonnie on the other hand can smell something before it is even a smell!! When my mom passed away, I don't remember any smell triggering my memories. Maybe because she was never one to wear a lot of fragrances. She cooked but was never a baker or one to use candles or sprays, so that isn't what I remember. The things that seemed to remind me of her was hearing a phrase she would use or seeing someone with similar mannerisms: a similar hairstyle,labored breathing [believe it or not!], someone sharing a joke [she loved a good joke]. Strange little things would be more effective then smells. I wouldn't be too disappointed at not being able to smell her. You might be suprised later to find something else that triggers very strong memories. I think my memories were more visual but they also were a great comfort to me. I guess it's different for everyone - don't rely on Hollywood to set the standard for you. Right now it may feel like your missing out on something but you will find you own way to remember the important stuff. Even when other people share a memory with you it will help you remember better or gain a whole new insight to the person you knew and loved. I think that was more important to me in the long run and help keep her alive in my memory. Hope it helps
Love you and am praying for you
Jenny