I was just out walking the dogs to their pen and looked out over the back yard. I thought about all the work Bette and I have done to the back yard. The potential she saw in the yard. I have always been awed at how she could look at something and come up with a way to make it look better. She had a great artistic eye – from her painting and drawing to her eye for landscaping. She had the vision to see what our back yard could turn into. All I saw was a half an acre of grass. Now there is a garden railroad running through it with plants and flowers through out. There is a rock patio next to the track with a fire ring and seating. It was all part of Bette’s vision. I don’t know if I will be able to sit out there with no Bette. She would love to sit there on a sunny Sunday and read the paper, then a book, or tinker in the garden and finish up with a little fire and marshmallows on a stick. We would watch the train go around with it’s headlight glowing. Or we would look for fireflies, or the bats feeding on insects – taking in the nature around us.
People have asked me if I will be keeping the house and I have thought of course. But at times like this looking at the barren snow covered yard I see how the yard looked when we moved in. I think of all of the work Bette would put in each year and wonder if I have it in me to keep it up to her high expectations. She would be picking up flowers and plants all spring and summer long primping and pruning until everything was just right. Will I be able to continue the upkeep? Will I feel like I am letting Bette down if I can’t? Will I be letting her down if I sell? Can I sell and move away from my friends and neighbors – my support system?
This is probably not a good time to think about this. Valentines Day without my valentine and I have been feeling under the weather today.
Lastly I would like to thank everyone that has been checking on me. Keeping me in their loop. Feeling like I am part of their life.
Thank you for everything!
I love that yard. You and Bette did such a great job transforming that patch of grass to something that is warm and inviting. I take pictures of it everytime I visit to show my friends how blessed you guys are to live in a lovely place.OK, I take pictures of Sal's pond too,,,that's cool; too.But the summer I spent there painting that orange house was so theaputic(sp) for me, just having lost my job of 32 years. Bette didn't hesitate, "well then, you can come paint our house! You have time now!And we'll do lunch once in a while" And boy did we lunch...and side trips, and shore trips, heck, anything to get off that ladder in Aug! Hey I got 3 sides done. Bette and you did the rest. But that summer was great and I even fished in the evenings too.I miss those lunches with Bette,and talking with her, and fussing with her and just doing nothing with her, a part of me feels like I'm operating "down a quart". I thought about Valentines Day, and with you two and your heart collection. Jaime, maybe you could find a boulder, nothing small of course, Bette always thought on a larger scale, and put it near the tracks, just a idea. Or smaller rocks and form them into a heart. Not trying to make you sad, oops, too late.
ReplyDeleteMy friends at church still pray for you often, for comfort and that the Lord will just continue to wrap his arms around you because HE cares.I ask the Lord what his plan and purpose is in all this sadness and I know trials like this are supposed to draw us closer to the Lord. Psalm 46:10, says to " be still and know that I am God". Yeah, ok, I know the verse, people keep sending it too me, in e-mails and bracelets, doesn't make me less sad or question why. This going forward thing really sucks...and there it is, and it will suck for a freaking long time. And I know we are not alone in this trial, I know so many folks who have lost spouses and family members and such young ages, mind boggling.
I love your car with the Bette license plate, you won't mistake that in a parking lot...it's the car parked way out in no man's land. I guess that's one way to get some extra walking for your exercise. I know Bette would've gotten one too. I can only imagine what color she would have ordered knowing her like for bright colors...I've seen the sneakers. Put a camera in the car, so when the cops stop you to get a closer look at that Shelby, (we know you won't get caught speeding,..."caught, being the operative word) you can take their picture standing next to the car so they can show all of their friends. Can't wait to see it myself.