Seven Months - May 25th 2010

Tomorrow it will be seven months since Bette left us. I think she would be pleased at how I am doing. Despite the daily tears I am trying to move forward. Bette will always be with me in my mind and in my heart. Those hard times I try to stop and ask myself what would Bette want me to do? I am trying to keep busy and do things with friends but even doing that brings up the bitter sweet memories. Bitter because I miss doing those things with Bette. Sweet because of the good times.

I had a double whammy yesterday. I went and met some friends at New Hampshire Motor Speedway to watch the vintage races. Bette and I regularly would go to the vintage races at Limerock race track. I had a lot of fun yesterday but it was sad at the same time remembering - walking together, and sharing. Then going home I went the back way. It turns out the highway is 55.2 miles to the track and the back way is 55.8 mile to the track, however I had forgotten that the back way goes by the road to the park where Bette died. Seeing the sign for the park brought back a flood of memories…

This coming weekend we would have taken the RV to the Limerock track for the Grand Am race held there. We were almost groupies for the Grand Am at their east coast tracks. We had gotten to know a few of the drivers and teams and have had just a nodding acquaintance with others.

Friday I am going with a friend I work with and visit these people for the first time since Bette died. Saturday I do not have much planned. Sunday I am going to a friend’s cookout and Monday there is a special meal with a couple friends and neighbors. I have gotten closer to the neighbors and some friends – I should say all of my friends. Bette would like that. She would want me to get out of my shell more. She would encourage me to get out of my comfort zone even when she was with us. Now with her gone I am almost constantly out of me comfort zone.

The Bette & the RV at Limerock Park racetrack.

Lately I have been tired and it has been hard getting out. Some people say I should move on with my life. I do not like that term. Moving on makes it sound like you are trying to leave something behind and forget it. I WILL NEVER FORGET BETTE! She will always be with me. Some nights I dream that this has all been a bad dream and I will wake up roll over kiss Bette good morning and tell her about this awful nightmare I, and those that knew Bette, have been living these past seven months. Then I wake up. With your backing and help I will keep trying and succeed in this new alternate universe (have I been watching too much Star Trek?).