Tears came to my eyes several times during conversations. I have not done this much crying (mostly at night when everyone was fast asleep and snoring) in some time. Crying for the loss we all are feeling. For the loss of my soul-mate, my Wife of 30 plus years, my lover, my mentor, my confidante and my best friend. Crying for selfish reasons, who will take care of me when I am sick, who will motivate me to do those things I have never enjoyed doing but must be done, who will take the hurt and loneliness away, and who will sit next to me and calm me, who can I tell my deepest thoughts, who will laugh at my jokes? Bette did all of this and thousands more.
Bette Loved each one of her Brothers and Sisters deeply. Though like any family there were times when she may not have liked each of them as much as she would wish. But no matter what disagreement the Love and Family won out. I think this family and their true Love and caring about and for each other is one of the reasons Bette was such a happy person and had that smile on her face.
Based on what she lived through with her family and later years with me – she always saw the bright side, the silver lining. As I have mentioned elsewhere in this blog, if Bette saw someone doing something like driving down the breakdown lane, she would think maybe they are in a hurry because someone is sick or hurt. It would take a lot before she would get mad. I never saw her anywhere near what could be construed as road rage. She was a model I tried to live up to. She has made me a better person.
On a lighter side I just want to say it is the middle of the night when everyone is sleeping. I can hear that gentle sound of snoring coming through the walls and maybe air-conditioning ducts. I need to try to go back to sleep now, I have a long day (though not as long as Bette’s sisters who are driving back to their homes). Maybe I will sleep a little better now that I have written this…
Good night - until next time…
Vacation in up state NY in June.
jaime, I was good that you were able to join your whole family this past weekend. As sad as it is to be without Bette, it would have been sadder not to have you there too. WE would have all been wondering what you were doing, if you were eating (right), chinese and Barber ok, if you were sleeping ok, you get the picture...and most of all we would be wondering how the hell you were getting along with out your GPS,Bette. Yeah, Bette's name wasn't mentioned out loud alot...and as I'm sure as it is for everyone as it certainly is for me, I can't mention her name without tears flooding my glasses. I duly hate this life without her, as does everyone else. I even hate the disagreements because we always made up over food, that she bought of course....but Bette is ever present in all of us and she would be wanting to kick my ass over my moodiness and throwing stuff in her name, and all around stumbling, trying to not so much as move forward...but maybe laterally. They say if you are stuck in an undertow current in water, go with the flow as long as you can keep your head above water, then to try and swim laterally along the shore till you find the current you can swim in to safety. I guess, I am still looking for the shore....but I know it's there.
ReplyDeleteSept, is next, with Bette's ashes being spread in the gulf that she loved. That will be another difficult time, but we will all be there to help each other honor Bette some more. It certainly will be a special day at the beach and Bette loved the beach and would expect us all to enjoy it as she would have.
Jaime, we all love your writing and the way you honor Bette with your words, and most of all of course we love you for being that special person in Bette's life all these years. Now, don't forget to eat. BJ